Remember when we never needed eachother,
the best of friends like sister and brother.
We understood we'd never be alone. ...
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Can I have my tuneful life back please?

｡｡｡

I'm fed up with the half-deaf life.
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段落を書いて、本当に難しいです。私はあまり出来ませんけど、頑張ります。
長い途ですねえ、日本語の勉強。いつが私が日本語が出来ますかねえ...
授業がいいですけど、文句の作成はたくさん分かりません。

私が家に帰りたいですよ。あと20日。
家に帰って楽しいですけど、転校して悲しいです。本当にややこしい気持ちですねえ...

「憧れは、理解から最も遠い感情だよ。」

新しい生活はどう、全然分かりません。
未来はちょっと恐いですねえ。


だめな耳が、大嫌いです。快適じゃないですよ...（怒）



...哀しい。
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My heart suddenly breaks,
as if something's stepping on it...

It's the last day of March,
an eventually "hot" day
a beautiful day...

I sat outside of the Union, trying to read,
but its seems like my heart
just couldn't put up with sorrows anymore...

And as the music flowed from the earphones to my ears,
It broke my heart, again.

So I walked to the little fountain outside of the Chapel,
and sat on the bench,
I tried to read again,
but the shining sun wouldn't let me.

And as the sunshine spilt on every corner of the earth,
It dried my smile, for once.

So I laid down a little bit, and tried to take a nap...
but the heat of the sun wouldn't let me.

And as the breeze blew from everywhere to nowhere,
It took my soul away ...




I finished watching the entire 11 episodes
of [Long Love Letter] in three days,
it's such a bittersweet...
I couldn't quite fall asleep last night,
as I was thinking about all those scenes I've seen.
This world we're living in right now,
how would it be several years or decades later..?
All the blossoms we witness right now,
would they remain...?
The ones we love right now,
would they still be the same...?
And the selves who we're trying to be right now,
would they change...?

If this world we're living in right now
is only going to be worse, and worse,
and we knew that we're never gonna be able to help it,
what is the point for us to, still, be alive?

Oh Lord,
I wish I were in heaven already.


I'm weary to my bones.
And my soul decided to leave me alone for a while.

But. Where did it go...?
Probably home.




Those so-called trees of dreams,
which we all are expecting to blossom
right now, at this moment,
would just be shattered later. They say.

If so,
what else's left to be the reasons of hoping.

Why did you even bother to create us, Lord,
if you knew that we're such evils,
if you knew that it's all gonna become ashes...?

I don't understand...




And as the Spring is finally arriving here,
it stepped through the land,
as well as my heart...
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Challenged

I am very much challenged.

My belief
My religion
My language
My skills
My art
My appearance
My GPA
My habbits
My taste
My love...

I see a new point of view,
after all these years, for once.
I see myself clearer,
gradually...

And I see who's behind,
I see who's above,
I see who's beside...
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Oh life...

Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be
Bright and bon vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home

And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees
but it's all right, it's all right
for we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the
road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong...

I'm exhausted.
I just want a sincere and appreciating smile...
I want to be home.

I... have lost myself again.
I feel like. Nothing.
And all those grudges remained.

I'm helpless. I can't help.
I seriously do not know what to do...

I really don't know...
I want a place to hide and just cry...
for no reason at all I am so empty, so sad......
I just want to get away...
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The grapes are sour anyway ?!

So what makes me fail to be admitted to that BFA program?
I guess I will never know.

And so, I'm admitted, instead, to the BA in Studio Art program.

"What's the difference, actually?" Everybody asks me.
Well basically, the BFA is a better Art Program, which concentrates more on Fine Arts. Those students in the BFA program are the creme de la creme, I believe. While I am only offered the BA in Art, and by that, it means, I suck, to a certain extent.
That's why I said I must have been too proud...

I don't necessarily have to think in this way because, it's just sour grapes, afterall... But at least, I would like to know what I lack and how I can do better. They say it's not be fair for me to know that so, it will just remain a secret, forever.

Anyway.
I do not mind going to the BA program. To exist in this world, you have to be competitive; Especially in art schools, I was told. And I knew it. I could imagine. I honestly do not care about competition, I hate it. I am never aggressive enough. So here I am offered a place where I think I would be more comfortable staying.

It's just the little wording thing that bugged me. Makes me wonder again how Tyler as a school really is like... For a lot of reasons Temple makes me feel much more friendly and comfortable. I actually already had such feeling during the trip.

The letter from Temple:
"...I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to the Tyler BFA program at this time, based on the Tyler evaluation of your current portfolio. We have many more qualified applicants than spaces available, and admission is very competitive. However, I am pleased to offer you admission for Fall 2010 to the Tyler Bachelor of Arts degree in Studio Art..."

The letter from Tyler:
"...Unfortunately, the committe determined that based on your portfolio, you will not be accepted into the BFA program at Tyler. Because of the volume of transfer applicants, it is impossible to make detailed evaluations of each candidate's strengths and weaknesses. Also, we can not suggest a course of study that would enable you to better your portfolio for entrance into Tyler's BFA program..."

Well I... am just too fragile as a person, even the smoothest silk can hurt me.

I guess I should view it as grace, instead of bottling up the grudges.

It isn't even worth to be sad or mad.
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