My heart suddenly breaks,
as if something's stepping on it...

It's the last day of March,
an eventually "hot" day
a beautiful day...

I sat outside of the Union, trying to read,
but its seems like my heart
just couldn't put up with sorrows anymore...

And as the music flowed from the earphones to my ears,
It broke my heart, again.

So I walked to the little fountain outside of the Chapel,
and sat on the bench,
I tried to read again,
but the shining sun wouldn't let me.

And as the sunshine spilt on every corner of the earth,
It dried my smile, for once.

So I laid down a little bit, and tried to take a nap...
but the heat of the sun wouldn't let me.

And as the breeze blew from everywhere to nowhere,
It took my soul away ...




I finished watching the entire 11 episodes
of [Long Love Letter] in three days,
it's such a bittersweet...
I couldn't quite fall asleep last night,
as I was thinking about all those scenes I've seen.
This world we're living in right now,
how would it be several years or decades later..?
All the blossoms we witness right now,
would they remain...?
The ones we love right now,
would they still be the same...?
And the selves who we're trying to be right now,
would they change...?

If this world we're living in right now
is only going to be worse, and worse,
and we knew that we're never gonna be able to help it,
what is the point for us to, still, be alive?

Oh Lord,
I wish I were in heaven already.


I'm weary to my bones.
And my soul decided to leave me alone for a while.

But. Where did it go...?
Probably home.




Those so-called trees of dreams,
which we all are expecting to blossom
right now, at this moment,
would just be shattered later. They say.

If so,
what else's left to be the reasons of hoping.

Why did you even bother to create us, Lord,
if you knew that we're such evils,
if you knew that it's all gonna become ashes...?

I don't understand...




And as the Spring is finally arriving here,
it stepped through the land,
as well as my heart...
Read more...

Challenged

I am very much challenged.

My belief
My religion
My language
My skills
My art
My appearance
My GPA
My habbits
My taste
My love...

I see a new point of view,
after all these years, for once.
I see myself clearer,
gradually...

And I see who's behind,
I see who's above,
I see who's beside...
Read more...

Oh life...

Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be
Bright and bon vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home

And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees
but it's all right, it's all right
for we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the
road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong...

I'm exhausted.
I just want a sincere and appreciating smile...
I want to be home.

I... have lost myself again.
I feel like. Nothing.
And all those grudges remained.

I'm helpless. I can't help.
I seriously do not know what to do...

I really don't know...
I want a place to hide and just cry...
for no reason at all I am so empty, so sad......
I just want to get away...
Read more...

The grapes are sour anyway ?!

So what makes me fail to be admitted to that BFA program?
I guess I will never know.

And so, I'm admitted, instead, to the BA in Studio Art program.

"What's the difference, actually?" Everybody asks me.
Well basically, the BFA is a better Art Program, which concentrates more on Fine Arts. Those students in the BFA program are the creme de la creme, I believe. While I am only offered the BA in Art, and by that, it means, I suck, to a certain extent.
That's why I said I must have been too proud...

I don't necessarily have to think in this way because, it's just sour grapes, afterall... But at least, I would like to know what I lack and how I can do better. They say it's not be fair for me to know that so, it will just remain a secret, forever.

Anyway.
I do not mind going to the BA program. To exist in this world, you have to be competitive; Especially in art schools, I was told. And I knew it. I could imagine. I honestly do not care about competition, I hate it. I am never aggressive enough. So here I am offered a place where I think I would be more comfortable staying.

It's just the little wording thing that bugged me. Makes me wonder again how Tyler as a school really is like... For a lot of reasons Temple makes me feel much more friendly and comfortable. I actually already had such feeling during the trip.

The letter from Temple:
"...I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to the Tyler BFA program at this time, based on the Tyler evaluation of your current portfolio. We have many more qualified applicants than spaces available, and admission is very competitive. However, I am pleased to offer you admission for Fall 2010 to the Tyler Bachelor of Arts degree in Studio Art..."

The letter from Tyler:
"...Unfortunately, the committe determined that based on your portfolio, you will not be accepted into the BFA program at Tyler. Because of the volume of transfer applicants, it is impossible to make detailed evaluations of each candidate's strengths and weaknesses. Also, we can not suggest a course of study that would enable you to better your portfolio for entrance into Tyler's BFA program..."

Well I... am just too fragile as a person, even the smoothest silk can hurt me.

I guess I should view it as grace, instead of bottling up the grudges.

It isn't even worth to be sad or mad.
Read more...

みんなひとり [ 松隆子 ]

作詞: 竹内まりや
作曲: 竹内まりや

荒んだ世界に　あなたのような人が
いることに感謝
夢が遠く見えて　肩落とす夜は
電話をさせてよ
恋人ともちがう　大切な心友(ともだち)
代わりのきかない私の相棒

みんなひとりぼっち　探し続けるのは
確かな絆とその証
誰かのひとことで　明日もがんばると
思えるなんてすてきさ

わけもなくふさぎ　プチうつな自分が
嫌いになる日も
あなたの笑顔の　大きな力に
励まされるんだ
どんな強い人も　弱さを隠してる
外には出せない傷抱えながら

みんなひとりぼっち　それを知るからなお
あなたの大事さがわかるよ
心の片すみで　気にかけてくれてる
恋よりも強い味方

Ah, たまには私を　Ah, 頼ってもいいよ

生まれる時ひとり　最期もまたひとり
だから生きてるあいだだけは
小さなぬくもりや　ふとした　優しさを
求めずにはいられない

Everybody needs to be needed
Everybody wants to be wanted
'Cause everybody knows that we are all alone
Let me give my gratitude to you
For always being there and smile for me
Many many thanks to you, the best friend of mine
Many many thanks to you, the best friend of mine
Read more...

[ 不完夢 ]

徒然造過幾多不完的夢｡

現在我停滯於時間面前, 沈澱｡
沈澱得, 幾乎所有感覺都失去了...

我真的快要忘記了,
也許忘了比較好...

想要想的人
卻還未在人海中找到
那個對的人...

一次又一次
找錯了
摔倒了
把別人都傷了
背著一大堆污穢的過去
還有哪裡可以讓我停靠...?


[ つづく ]
Read more...

お誕生日おめでとう

[ Just A Little Pith of the Day ]

So, 20th.

Looking back
at all my 20 years of life
I could've written a 20-page or longer story.
My life has been so blessed yes...
And I thank God, my mom and dad here,
for taking part in bringing me to the world,
and raising me all these years.
They are the best parents for me.
And they are the reason why I even exist today.


March 2nd.
It's always been one of the most special days every year.
it came from a day that I expected the wishes,
looked forward to the gifts,
to a day that reminds me of how thankful I should be about life.
I have not really met any friends who share the same birthday,
but I am learning that it's not, only, MY day...

Life is humourous,
it connects us in a subtle way.

I don't know about the others but,
sharing the same or close birthday, for me,
is a big deal.

Unfortunately there isn't any adequate word in English
for "緣份" but, I do believe in this beautiful thing.
(maybe "fate" would do... but still not enough)
That's always been my principle,
to try to be thankful for anything and anyone
that comes into my life.


Well and this year,
as facebook is being abused, sort of,
and relied on,
I decided to hide my birthdate from yesterday onwards.
It doesn't really mean anything
when someone says "happy birthday" to you
just because it's listed somewhere on the page
and was seen by chance,
while they barely even talk to you.
But many many thanks
to those who still remember.


Another special impressive thing of the day,
was the play, "The Vagina Monologue".
Some of my friends were in the play,
and I appreciated their performance a lot.
It was not an easy or comfortable play to watch,
it was dirty, to a certain extent.
But if it's chewed
(in a way that it's supposed to be chewed, of course),
it opens up our narrow minds.

Aren't you amazed that how we are delicately made?
Aren't you shocked by how many people are suffering
in those many parts of the world?
I certainly am.
We are wonderfully made,
to appreciate ourselves in an appropriate way.
And we are refinedly made,
to be able to comprehend
such subtle differences between
those dirty jokes and the seriousness behind.

So shouldn't we just be brave to face it?
Anything created were meant to be beautiful,
why are they all ugly and filthy today...?



Anyway. Just a lil thought.
I talked to Mr. Tom Nelson today too, about religion.
Well over all
it was an interesting and thought-provoking day.
I'm glad. (But I think I gotta go to sleep now!)

I am starting my new decade of life.
They say it's gonna be the best part of life, and
I do look forward to it.

What's gonna happen to me next? We'll see.


Love,
Naomi

btw. ps. 你越是想要誠懇 其實越殘忍...
みんなさん、今日は有難う御座いました、お休みなさい！

Read more...

The last day of my teens.

So it's finally March.
It's finally the last day of my teens...
You know how ironic sometimes life gets?
Her birthday is the day right before mine: today.
Wow. World.

But it doesn't really matter now does it?

[ t.t.y.l ]

The package from home finally arrived, and that delights my day.
I've read the letters, eaten some snacks, and missed home all over again...
It's just the tears haven't yet welled up in my eyes, but in my heart.
Home, sweet home...
20 years of life.
I believe I should be the most thankful about my family.
I can never ask for more about that...

Happy early birthday, Naomi.

[ t.t.y.l. again ]

Read more...